Mom Life

Am I Really A Bad Mom? How to Deal With Mom Guilt.

February 25, 2020 /
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The thought of becoming a mom and loving your children always seems like a dream come true. It’s a beautiful thing and a blessing to encounter. But what about when all that beauty wears off? Then, you wonder what in the world was I thinking? Why did I have all these children in the first place? You begin to deal with Mom Guilt. Then you ask, am I really a bad mom? If you are honest with yourself, I’m not the only mom that has felt this way. If you are not ready to admit it, that’s okay, just keep reading.

It’s Just One of Those Days

So, you have one of those days where nothing goes right. You can’t stop the baby from crying, the oldest child has an attitude, the house is a complete mess and you look like someone rolled over you with a Mack truck. There is no dinner cooked and everyone is staring at you for answers of what they will eat. The kids still have homework to do, laundry is piling up and you are trying to keep one kid from killing the other. It feels like at any second, your world is going to blow up. Then you suddenly remember all the work you have left to do at the office. You throw your hands up and say, “I give up!”, as the tears roll down your face. You are full of frustration and the feeling of failure begins to overwhelm you.

This moment of failure and frustration may be your first, but it more than likely won’t be your last. But you can rest assure, you are not alone. Every mom will experience this feeling once, twice or twenty times during parenthood. It’s completely normal. And you may ask herself, “Am I really a bad mom?”

I met a lady who told me she regretted having children. She felt this way because her family always pointed out the wrong things that she did. They never had anything positive to say. This made her doubt herself in every act of parenthood.

There are no set rules to parenting

It’s been said over and over, and it is so true. There are no set right or wrong rules to parenting. There is no manual that states how to handle this child, how to be ready for that situation or how to do it all at the same time. Each parent does their best for each child at that moment. Usually people that judge and point out faults, do so to cover up their own. If you are trying your best to love your child and doing what is best for them, that is all that really matters.

Mother and two daughters smiling at each other. Moms feel mom guilt, while children see the best mom ever.
Look at yourself the way your child looks at you!

Try looking at yourself the way your child looks at you. In the midst of all the craziness happening, your kids don’t see chaos, they simply see mommy just being busy. They probably don’t care about a clean house, but they do love it when mommy is present. The kids don’t care about gourmet food on the table because no one makes a hot dog better than mommy. And so what you are not looking like a super model today. The hugs and kisses are what will be remembered and those are the memories that will last forever. So give yourself a break and stop asking yourself, “Am I really a bad mom?” Frustration and Mom Guilt are normal. Take a deep breath, you will be okay.

5 Things To Help You Deal With Mom Guilt

1. Know you are not alone.

Every mom has dealt with this situation at least once. Don’t be afraid to reach out to other moms for advice and comforting words. Remind yourself, you are still a good parent, this is just a rough moment for you.

2. Don’t be afraid to isolate yourself for a moment.

Make sure the kids are safe and step away from everything for a second. Allow yourself to exhale. Go in your room and scream into a pillow to release some frustration. This can be healthy for the kids too, because you won’t be taking the frustration out on them. If you can find someone to watch the kids, don’t be afraid to totally get away and do something for yourself. The entire family will benefit from you having your sanity again.

3. Understand the chain of events happening will soon be over.

The baby will eventually stop crying and fall asleep. The older children will simmer down soon and you will eventually get around to all the house duties. You will be able to get a little peace and breathe again soon.

4. Encourage yourself.

Realize all the responsibilities you are taking on as a mom. You are a baby whisperer, a cook, the cleaning service, a teacher, a booger wiping, diaper changing, mediating, hard working super woman. And as much as we want to try to do it all, we must realize we can’t. Prioritize and do what’s important first. Applaud yourself for what you have done and know that all the rest will eventually fall in line.

5. Realize you did your best and no one died.

This is funny, but true. Through all the craziness and disfunction that you have going on, your children are still alive and healthy. And that is what matters the most. You can start over tomorrow.

So, give the kids those hot dogs for dinner, walk over that pile of laundry for the night and give lots of love, hugs and kisses before you put the kids to bed.

Kids are always the cutest when they are sleep. Having this silent moment will allow you to be able to reset yourself. So, pat yourself on the back, wipe your tears, drink your wine and then go to sleep. Remember how to deal with mom guilt and tell yourself tomorrow is going to be a better day.

Parenting is crazy, but it’s a blessing.

There are no words that can express the joys of mommy hood and how much of a blessing it is to look at the little faces God has trusted you with. Parenting and mommy hood will be stressful at times, but it’s worth every minute. You may feel, what in the world was I thinking having these kids, but at the same time, you know, you could never imagine life without them.

A mother carrying her 4 kids all at one time. Motherhood makes you carry a lot, but remember you are strong enough.
Motherhood makes you carry a lot, but remember you are strong enough.

So are you really a bad mom? Of Course Not.. and never let anyone tell you otherwise. Deal with mom guilt in a positive way. Everyone has their own parenting method and deals with stress differently. Remember there is no right or wrong way to parent. The important thing is you do what’s best for your children, understand things won’t be perfect, but love them with all that you have. Show your kids that no matter how crazy things may get, they are what truly matters. While we are trying to figure out if we are really a bad mom…our children’s thought process is I have the best mom ever! So be easy on yourself, parenting can be tough. Do the best you can to be a great mom and let life handle the rest. Enjoy the ride and happy parenting!

💕Donna💕

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