Am I missing out on what my child really needs? I learned a lesson.
As we know, parenting is very time consuming and we always feel there is never enough time in a day. The more hands we have to help, the better. Being a mom of four, I am constantly being pulled in every direction. Before I can finish tending to one child, the next child is pulling me the other way or yelling my name at the top of their lungs…and they usually want absolutely nothing. Lol. I am tending to my children, but am I missing out on what my child really needs?
The older the children get, the more they can do and the more they are able to help out. Remember, the more hands the better. My oldest daughter, Dreya, is 8. She is super sweet, thoughtful and very responsible. I am always telling her she is my biggest helper and how grateful I am for her. She is a good big sister, but at times, I can see her frustration. I told her this comes with being the oldest and you will be okay. I often remind her, “Dreya, remember your siblings look up to you, just like you look up to me. So you must be a good example. Now, can you please go get me a diaper, I need to change DJ.”
One day, Dreya asked could I take her to a birthday party for a kid in her class. I immediately said, “Sure! When is it?” She told me, “Saturday, but I only want you and I to go.” I agreed.
Party Time
We get to the party and she is not participating in any of the activities. She is sitting next to me in the adult section. I inform her, we didn’t come here for you to just sit by me, while all your friends are over there playing and enjoying themselves. Time passes and she still has no interest in playing with her friends. I begin to get frustrated and tell her, “you are going to participate or we are leaving. I did not come here for you to sit and be anti-social.”. She then asked could she talk to me in private.
My 8 year old had other motives.
As we walk away from the people at the party, she informs me, “Mommy, I don’t care about this party. I just wanted to spend time with you by myself.” Talk about a slap in the face to me. Here I am, getting upset at her thinking she has taken me away from my busy schedule just to sit here and be anti-social at this party and all she really wanted was me to herself for a moment. I was missing out on what my child really needed.
This was the sweetest thing, but the biggest eye opener. She is my oldest, and the most responsible, but she still desires the attention that the younger ones get. Dreya told me she is always having to help me with her siblings and she misses having me to herself. She wants to cuddle, but DJ is always cuddling. Niya is always talking at the time that she wants to have girl talk. And if she goes shopping, Driauna has to go too. Dreya is left to be the patient one and wait her turn, but that leads to her saying, what about me?
I realized I was missing what my child really needed. Due to this, I told Dreya we would definitely have more Mommy and Me time. I also understood where all her frustration was coming from.
She will always be my baby.
As parents, we put the responsibility on the oldest sibling to help with the younger ones. But we must remember, even though they are older, they still desire the same amount of attention that the younger ones do and we need to be sure that they get it. I informed Dreya she is my first baby and the one who made me a mom, so she will always have a special place in my heart. And I would make sure from this day forward that she felt the same.
So parents, let’s make sure we are not missing out on what our child really needs. Let’s make sure our first borns don’t feel like they are pushed to the side and only used when it’s time for them to help us out. Remind them how special they are to us and give them the quality time that they not only deserve, but look forward to.
Make time for quality time
From this insight, I decided to schedule Mommy and Me time twice a month, so Dreya can have me all to herself. This will allow us to enjoy quality time and keep our Mommy/Daughter moments special. Try having individual quality time with your children, because you never know, we may be missing out on the fact that all they want is one on one quality time with us. I’m signing off now, because Dreya and I have a movie date! Happy Parenting!
💕Donna💕
20 Comments
Phillip Brown
Great post, as the oldest child I 💯 percent agree.
Jennifer Passmore
Something similar happened with my son recently. I’ve learned to make time each day for him. Your daughter’s a cutie bu the way!
Donna Stephens
Hey Jennifer,
This was an eye opener for me. I never knew she felt this way and didn’t realize I was not giving her the time that she needed. I’m glad your son was able to express himself to you too so we are able to make the changes. And thank you so much for Dreya’s compliment. She is growing up way too fast..as I’m sure your son is too! Thanks for commenting Jennifer and enjoy all the time with your son!
Donna Stephens
Phil,
Thank you so much for your comment. Yes, the oldest child cannot be forgotten. I’m glad Dreya was able to remind me. And I’ll be sure to remember.
Angela Reynolds
I’ve always found balancing time between children difficult they all need me in a different way and I never really have me time, I fear I fall short and one day when I’m 70 they will let me know how well of a job I’ve done
Donna Stephens
Hey Angela,
LOL…when you are 70? 🤣 I’m sure they have let you know that already. You are an awesome mom! I have seen it first hand. But, I could not agree more that there is never any me time once we finish with each of the kids. The balance sometimes seems impossible, but I’m learning to tie the super mom cape on and just do the best that I can. Thank you so much for your comment.
Pam
This made me tear up! You know Dreya is my 1st love and my girl! I’m so grateful you are trying to divide your time. I know its hard but boyyyyy so important to all of the kids well being. You are a GREAT mommy and I am sooooo proud of you!!!!💋
Olufunke
I really love reading your post. Thanks so much for this reminder. It’s so easy to forget that the first born needs their moms to. Because they are the oldest, mothers tend to neglect to give them attention.
I love the way Dreya made her needs known to you. She’s so wiser than her age.
Donna Stephens
Olufunke,
Thanks for stopping by. I’m so glad that you enjoyed the post. I agree, it is so easy to forget that they still need our attention. Especially for me because Dreya is tall. We are almost eye to eye, so I forget that she still needs that mommy time because she is such a big girl now. Lol. Sometimes she is a little too wise for her age.You know how us girls can get.😜 But she is truly a blessing. Thanks for your comment and have a great day!!
Donna Stephens
Hey Auntie Pam,
I know Dreya holds a special place in your heart. So when all this cute quality time stuff wears off and Dreya starts having her “girl-tude” I’ll be sure to send her your way!! 🤣😉 No, but really, she is the sweetest little girl that I could ask for and I want to try my absolute best to give all my children what each of them needs in order to have the best well being. It is so important. Thank you for the compliment and I will continue to try my best.💕
Catherine Irwin
Great Post defiantly hard but so rewarding.
Donna Stephens
Hey Catherine,
Yes, it can be difficult. Especially when you have more than one that you have to tend to and make sure they are all okay. But I could not agree with you more that it is so rewarding. After she expressed her feelings to me, the joy that she showed once I gave her that extra quality time could never be replaced. Thank you for your comment.
Karen
I love this! You are so lucky that your daughter was open to you and mature enough to let you know what she was really thinking. Enjoy her!
Donna Stephens
Hey Karen,
Thank you so much!! Yes, I am so glad she was able to open up to me and express herself. Now it’s my job to make sure she doesn’t have those feelings anymore. Thanks for your comment!💕
Michelle thibeault
Thanks for sharing! I hope when my son is able to make full sentences he will communicate with me the same way 🙂
Donna Stephens
Hey Michelle,
Thanks for stopping by and reading. I’m sure your son will be able to let you know what he needs. Even if they are not full sentences, you know Mommies always understand their babies language!😉Talk to you soon!
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