How I Lost Myself After Becoming A Mommy

When I became a mommy, I committed myself to being the best mommy that I could be. I promised to always put my child first and poured everything I could into her. It was my goal to develop a positive, loving, self confident, little mini me. No matter what, my child would know that she was loved and my first priority. This task was enjoyable and I took pride in watching my daughter grow.

My morning consisted of feeding, bathing and dressing my daughter in color coordinated outfits. Her bows matched her dress and her shoes never had a scuff. We would sit, sing and play games as I kissed her face a thousand times. She was breast fed and since I was a working mom, I pumped. I made sure she always had breast milk available whenever she simply whimpered for a taste of milk. Whatever my baby needed, no hesitation, she got it.

After our play and cuddle time were over, it was time to get myself ready for the day. My hair would always be freshly done. I didn’t wear a lot of make up, but I made sure I had a fresh face. My eyeliner, eyeshadow and mascara were always carefully applied to make sure my eyes stayed popping. I would drop her off at daycare and head to work.

Once work was over, I would be flying down the street to pick up my baby. I couldn’t wait to have her back in my arms. We would play games, maybe go to the park, come home to cuddle and have dinner. I would give her a bath and caress her little face as she breastfed to go to sleep. Now it was mommy time. I would catch up on my t.v. shows, talk to my girlfriends on the phone and clean the house. Due to the military, my husband and I were living separately.

Fast forwarding to four years later, I now have three girls. I still had the same desire to be the best mom and pour everything I had into each one. But now, all my time has to be divided and we know how that goes. Once I get one baby ready, the other has pooped up all up her back. The oldest has spilled juice all on her clothes and now needs an outfit change.

I have 10 minutes before I have to leave the house or I’m late for work…again…and I’m still walking around the house in my panties. Thank God my boss was a mom and totally understood so she worked with me. But it was a daily struggle getting everyone out of the house in tip top shape and making it anywhere on time.

Trying to improve my arrival time at work meant there was no time left for me to get cute. My hairstyles went from stylish weekly changes to a ponytail pulled to the back or a sleek bun, week after week. It was convenient, but became a very basic look for me.

After work, I tried to maintain the same routine that I had for my first child. It was important to spend that quality time with my babies. But, once I put everyone down for the night, I was down too. I had things left to do, but I had no energy to get it done. I would fall asleep watching t.v., never make that call to my girlfriends and was simply wore out.

My husband was now out of the military and it’s great having him back home, but that was a new adjustment for me too. On top of the three girls that I was catering to, my husband was important as well. I wanted to be a good wife to him, but my eyelids wouldn’t stay open. Girl conversations grew less frequent, I felt I didn’t have time to pamper myself because someone always needed me. When they didn’t need me, all I wanted to do was take a nap.

Both of our families live hundreds of miles away, so we never really had a baby sitter. Due to this, we would always just hang out at the house. Well, you don’t need new clothes to sit around the house and a ponytail bun is perfect for that occasion. But really what all this meant, was that I was loosing myself after becoming a mommy.

My makeup was no longer being done, my wardrobe consisted of scrubs for work and lounging sets for home. I didn’t have the energy to put the cute clothes on anymore. This was far from how I used to dress a few years ago. You would never catch me without stilettos, tight jeans, cute shirts and blinged out jewelry. That was just me! But not any more.

I felt guilty about going out with my girlfriends because I would leave my husband alone with the kids. Because of the guilt, it turned into me doing nothing but work and parenting. I enjoyed my life though, my life was my family. My girlfriends would talk about me and say I never do anything anymore since I became a mom. I just felt they didn’t understand since they weren’t moms yet. It wasn’t until I saw a picture of myself that the light bulb went off.

I was not cute in this picture at all 😂🤦‍♀️ I had the same raggedy bun, regular jeans and a t-shirt. Ya know, mom life gear. But it was not me and there was noting cute about it. But this had become the norm for me. I began to reflect over the years and saw the change that occurred since I became a mom. Now, let me tell you being a mom is awesome, but loosing yourself because you become a mom is not!

I still desired to be cute, but felt there was no time. I wanted to go out and have a great night on the town, but I would worry about the kids. Because the children were always my first priority, my life stopped there.

Okay, so the question was now what? I have given up myself to be the best mom..but is that where it ends? That’s when I realized I was more than a mommy and I was not living up to my full potential. I’m a mom, a wife, a friend, a girl who loves wearing high heels and changing her hair every week. A girl who gets excited about putting on a cute outfit just to go to the grocery store. (And no joke, I really did used to get dressed to go to the grocery store.)

Okay, so I wasn’t this 👆dressed up, but this is definitely how I felt. 😂 Hopefully you get the point. 😁

I had dreams of being the top executive at work. I wanted to visit islands with my husband and get lost in the beauty of another atmosphere, but I didn’t because I lost who I was. My children came first, so I put myself on the back burner, and I just took whatever was left.

But I have found myself and I am on the journey back to me. I realized I found myself when I looked in the mirror and simply didn’t like what I saw. My reflection was boring, I wasn’t the same person. I had lost my sexiness and fierce persona. This is when I knew it was time for a change. I told myself no more, you can still be sexy and be a mom. You can still rock 6 inch heels and tight appealing jeans. It’s time to pull out that freakum dress and get back to the girl you always were.

I realized I can be a great mom, but my happiness is important too. My kids will be fine if I step away and pamper myself. They will be okay if I put them to bed early to chase my dreams. They will survive if I find a reliable, trusting baby sitter to have a romantic night with my husband. And more than likely, the kids will enjoy it! I will only be gone a few hours when I get that new hairstyle I have been wanting to try. I realize I need the time with my girlfriends, as well as some me time. Its okay to put that sexy outfit on again and look at myself in the mirror and shoulder shake as I see my husband liking what he sees. Not only is it okay, it is mandatory.

It’s so easy to loose ourselves in motherhood, but we must remember motherhood is not where life stops for us. We have to continue to be fulfilled and develop the woman that was present before she became a mom. We have to make the time for ourselves. Doing this will only make you a better mom, because now you have more confidence, energy, drive and determination. Our children will always be our first priority, but we have to make sure their not our only priority.

Don’t be afraid to go back to the sexy, daring woman you were before. You may have lost yourself in motherhood too, but it’s never too late to find yourself again! Go get your hair and nails done and pamper yourself like you used to. Apply that make up so your face is glowing and vibrant. Buy that new dress or those fly heels you have been eyeing. Start that business or work for that promotion. We are the best moms when we become dimensional and realize there is so much more to us than just being a mommy.

Have you fallen into the mommy rut and didn’t realize it until you were already there? Tell me your story. I’d love to hear about your journey.