How To Parent Different Personalities

I always thought I would have two kids, one girl and one boy. They would be the best of friends, my girl would be my mini me and my boy would be a replica of his dad. My daughter and I would dress up and have tea parties, while my son and his dad played outside. Everything would be so cute and perfect. Well, we can all dream, right?

God gave me three girls and one boy, and all with very different personalities. One daughter loves tea parties, one daughter has to control the entire tea party and the other daughter would rather play outside with the boys, no interest in tea parties at all. And my son just gets in where he fits in. Here I am, with all these different personalities under one roof. God Help Me! 😂

Parenting these different personalities can be a struggle. And what I have learned is you cannot parent them all the same. It just will not work. Each child is learning their likes and dislikes and understanding the world as they grow. They will all respond differently because they all interpret differently.

Watch your child’s actions to learn their different personalities.

For example, if I ask my oldest daughter, Dreya, to do something, she can get it done in fifteen minutes. She’s my responsible one. My middle child, Driauna, will stand in the middle of the floor scratching her head trying to figure out what is going on. She’s my free spirit. My youngest daughter, Daniya, will do as I ask, but will take forever because she has to put on her heels, leggings and make up before she can finish what I asked her to do. She’s my fashionista. I don’t have to micro manage the oldest, but I have to stay on top of my other two daughters because of their personalities. And again, my son DJ, just gets in where he fits in.

Dreya does not respond well to yelling. She takes it personal and shuts down, so the message is not being heard. All it takes is for me to raise my voice at Driauna and she is right back in shape with no problem. But if I yell at Daniya, she is having a mini panic attack because she feels I’m mad at her. Since they all respond differently, I must approach them differently. I have found different methods that are effective to discipline each child.

In order for me to get through to my children in an effective way, I have to speak their language. I must communicate in a way that is easy for them to understand and also take into consideration their separate personalities.

Treat all your kids fairly, but love and teach them individually.

Every child has their own love language. They all express and receive love differently. While one child embraces physical touch, another child may need words of affirmation. It is important to find out which language applies to each child. Understanding your child’s personality is also important when it comes to disciplining. What works for one child may not work for the other.

Embrace each child’s personality and allow them to learn about themselves in the process.

My oldest daughter is super shy, while my other two are social butterflies like myself. It was hard for me to see her quiet and shy at school. I felt she should be like me and light up the room when she walks in. I would push her to be more talkative and more involved with her friends. What I didn’t realize is, yes, she’s my child, but she is not me. She does not have the same outgoing personality right away like I do. It takes her some time to open up. She likes to peep the scene before she gets involved. Me pushing her to open up right away, actually shuts her down. She is now being forced and not able to make the decision to be social on her own.

Children are growing and learning every single day. As parents, we need to make sure that they are loved for who they are individually. Don’t try to change them to act like anyone else but themselves. Encourage them to embrace their personality and if things can be improved, communicate that to them in a way that they can understand based on their personality makeup. Allow the kids time to understand and find the things they like and be able to process and explain the things they don’t like.

Spend individual time with each child so that your focus is only on them.

Individual quality time is extremely necessary for my children because with it being four of them, they are always fighting for my time. Having individual quality time will allow me to focus on just them and they do not have to fight for attention. This helps build a strong bond between us because they can communicate in their own language, we can bond one on one and they do not have to worry about personality battles in order to get my attention.

Parenting different personalities can be tough, but once you find what works best for each child, it is beneficial to parent them in the language that they can easily understand. Embracing each child’s personality separately will help to build self confidence, effective discipline and allow the child to learn who they are so they can be comfortable in the way that God has made them.