Sibling Rivalries Are Teachable Moments. 5 lessons learned from fighting.

I have three daughters, ages 8, 6 and 4. It’s a constant girl quarrel in the house. We deal with sibling rivalries daily. They fight over everything. They argue over who gets the remote, who sits in the second row compared to the third row of the car and who gets the pink plate at dinner time. There is nothing different about that plate, but the color. 🤦‍♀️

Five minutes later, you will hear, “Get out of my room, stop looking at me and she touched me!” I have learned to tune them out most of the time, but when it gets out of hand and a little too noisy, I will step in. I ask the kids, “Do you want me to handle it?” They yell out, “NO!”, because they know if I step in, tv goes off, everybody sits in the third row and no one gets the pink plate.

Sibling rivalries are pretty common amongst all siblings. Even though these rivalries frustrate me to no end at times, I use it for teachable moments. Now, I do stress we will not be a family that physically harms one another. I really try to keep the physical acts to a minimum. I don’t need them punching and smacking each other around. But I do allow the girls to work through their own verbal battles. I believe through these quarrels, there are valuable lessons that can be learned.

5 things my kids learn during sibling rivalries.

1. Sibling Rivalries Teach Problem Solving

If the kids fight long enough and I have to step in, they all loose whatever it is they are fighting over and now no one gets it. I’ve noticed they don’t like me stepping in, so they try to work it out themselves. This exercises their problem solving skills and encourages them to work together.

2. Toughness

I have really seen this in my youngest daughter, Daniya. She has to protect her own, so she has learned through these sibling rivalries to be tough and stand up to her older sisters. Daniya will not let them push her around. Sibling rivalries can teach kids how to be tough and stand their ground.

3. It’s Okay to Agree to Disagree

This is an important life lesson when dealing with conflict. Everyone has an opinion and that opinion should be respected, but it is okay to agree to disagree. My oldest daughter, Dreya, hums a lot and it drives my middle daughter, Driauna, crazy. 🤪 She will yell out, “Hush all that humming, you’re annoying!” Dreya will yell back, “No, you go somewhere else!” Driauna hates Dreya’s humming, but knows she will not stop, so she just removes herself from the situation. She will come tell me, “Mommy, I know Dreya is not going to stop that stupid humming, so I’m just going to go somewhere else.” Driauna has learned you can’t change people, so adjust yourself to make the situation better.

4. Self Confidence

The girls are always coming to me, “She called me stupid, she said I’m ugly!” I quickly ask them, “Well are you?” They reply, “No”, and then I have them tell me what they really are. Their responses must all be positive. I’m teaching the girls through these sibling rivalries, instead of being worried about what others are saying about you, be confident in how you feel about yourself. I had a proud parent moment when Dreya came home from school one day and told me a kid told her that her sweater was ugly. Her response was, “And so is your face!! Because I know my sweater is not ugly!” 😳 Maybe it was a little extreme, but she got the point. Be confident in who you are. Plus, you know you never talk about a girl’s sweater. 😉

5. Sibling Rivalries Can Build A Stronger Bond

I teach the kids siblings are your first friends and you will always be there for each other no matter what. So after you are done fighting and you feel better, go and tell your sister you love her. Your sisters may get on your nerve, but you are stuck with them for life. The girls show this best when it’s bedtime. They will fight all day and scream how much they cannot stand each other, but when I say time for bed, they immediately become best friends. Each have their own bed, but they all sleep together in one bed. The girls say, “Mommy, it just feels better when we all sleep together. It’s so comfortable and we really love each other.” That there is the bond I am trying to instill in my children; yes you will fight, but at the end of the day, it’s all love!❤️

Sibling rivalries can be frustrating for the parents and the kids, but there are valuable life lessons that can be learned. So the next time you hear that sibling fight starting up, be patient, listen out and see what lessons your kids will learn. You may be surprised. Happy parenting! 💕